You will most probably take after your father. His calm and polite ways are written all over you. Before him, I dated all types of men. Some were of honour, but others were leading reckless lives. My first boyfriend, Juma, had a scandalous reputation. Women were always fighting over him and even though I knew he was bad news I still could not resist him. I learnt to enjoy his company whenever he was around and not cry when he wasn't. Whenever he wished to see me my door was open and so were my legs.
I often wondered who I would eventually settle down with. I still had that fairytale dream of finding a man who would marry and start a family with me. When Phil came along, I was pretty sure he was the one. We met during a corporate meeting and that's where I discovered that he was a radio presenter. We didn't exchange contacts then but I found myself listening to his show that evening.
I was impressed by what I heard and started touching myself to his voice, my fingers becoming his manhood giving me pleasure. I tuned in to his programme two weeks later and it felt like he was there with me having an actual conversation.
I had put myself in an awkward situation which I had not realized until I bumped into him later on at another gathering. Here is a man I've been infatuated with and he just remembers me as some woman he met at a few months ago. I calculated my words very carefully fearing I might disclose what I have been doing and scare him away. I mentioned that I had become a fan of his show and he said he had noticed my comments on the fan page a few times.
Dating this guy was a confirmation that fairytales do exist. How often do things like this happen to people? But we soon discovered that we had very few things in common. At that point having a fight would have probably been the most exciting thing in the relationship. We soon fell apart and I felt so sorry for myself.
Rina and the neighbour's baby reminded me of your dad and I. The way Rina was always pushing him around and the helpless kid would just smile until it was too much. I was the loud one in the relationship and at times it felt like I was the only one talking and he was just staring at me. It made me look stupid as if I was talking to myself but the few words he said made me fall deeper.
There was something about your father that made me want to stick around him to the end. He was probably not the best man when it came to dressing and at times he smelt of armpit juice but I knew I could work on that. He made me want to work hard and better myself daily.
That was why I did not know how to tell him I could not find Rina. It was hard enough for me to understand that my daughter had been kidnapped. What kind of human being steals another person's child? We had been through a lot and our firstborn had brought so much joy. Thankfully your dad did not fault me knowing very well that I had also been drugged. He asked all the questions to the police, put up posters on the roads and even put word out on social media but there was no sign of my girl.
The worst punishment has to be bearing a child and not knowing where they are. At least if they died you would cry and bury your tears with its body. It would be difficult to move on through the pain but there is closure in death. However, when you have no idea of their whereabouts nothing makes sense and you sit waiting for a text, a demand for ransom, a body, anything. Do I blame myself for taking her to the clinic that day? Maybe if I had a car and drove instead of walking my little princess would still be here with me.
Your sister would have taught you a few tips on how to speak up and air your views. I can tell you're going to be a bit boring just like your father. Rina would have helped with that. She would play with you and on some days she was the only one who vould calm you. Your crying would piss her off and she would start shouting at you. The house would get really quiet with your crying and her shouting but now I would give anything to hear her screams. Now the world has cheated our destiny. What if they use her for those devilish rituals? O God! Take care of my baby.


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