PLEASE SAVE MY JAHAZI

Okwonko rescue team please save our lives
The terrorists are killing us
And our leaders are acting like everything is okay
Over and over again,
We lose lives of our loved ones and no one does anything to improve the situation.
Okwonko rescue team please save my voice
I have been singing and escorting waheshimiwas to the Integrity Centre for probing
I don't know if they are innocent
I don't know how their alleged corrupt actions affect me
I don't even know their name
But I know I need my voice to sing for a suspect tomorrow and get something for my hungry kids.
Okwonko rescue team please save our government
Instead of serving and developing the nation wanatafuta kura
Because finders keepers and losers weepers
But not for long, losers will get nominated to the private sectors and help steal money there.
Okwonko rescue team please take me to Kempinski
So that once Evans is done gaining e-fans
We could talk about real issues affecting the city
Okwonko rescue team please save our church
Impostors are taking advantage of the brethen
Jesus loves them Kanyari says, "So?
Only a fee and my bended knee
Will bring you victory."
Okwonko rescue team please save us from the media
Minor Kunguni is on radio each morning telling Classic tales which don't help us us
One of them has been sacked for being corrupt
All he has left is grandpa tales and the one English word he knows, "chronometer."
Okwonko rescue team please okoa my jahazi
So I can hashtag our problems away
If I protest on the streets they'll ask "who gave these children placards?"
I want to troll other people on the internet
Hoping that will make me forget my insecurities

RINA

You will most probably take after your father. His calm and polite ways are written all over you. Before him, I dated all types of men. Some were of honour, but others were leading reckless lives. My first boyfriend, Juma, had a scandalous reputation. Women were always fighting over him and even though I knew he was bad news I still could not resist him. I learnt to enjoy his company whenever he was around and not cry when he wasn't. Whenever he wished to see me my door was open and so were my legs.
I often wondered who I would eventually settle down with. I still had that fairytale dream of finding a man who would marry and start a family with me. When Phil came along, I was pretty sure he was the one. We met during a corporate meeting and that's where I discovered that he was a radio presenter. We didn't exchange contacts then but I found myself listening to his show that evening.
I was impressed by what I heard and started touching myself to his voice, my fingers becoming his manhood giving me pleasure. I tuned in to his programme two weeks later and it felt like he was there with me having an actual conversation.
I had put myself in an awkward situation which I had not realized until I bumped into him later on at another gathering. Here is a man I've been infatuated with and he just remembers me as some woman he met at a few months ago. I calculated my words very carefully fearing I might disclose what I have been doing and scare him away. I mentioned that I had become a fan of his show and he said he had noticed my comments on the fan page a few times.
Dating this guy was a confirmation that fairytales do exist. How often do things like this happen to people? But we soon discovered that we had very few things in common. At that point having a fight would have probably been the most exciting thing in the relationship. We soon fell apart and I felt so sorry for myself.
Rina and the neighbour's baby reminded me of your dad and I. The way Rina was always pushing him around and the helpless kid would just smile until it was too much. I was the loud one in the relationship and at times it felt like I was the only one talking and he was just staring at me. It made me look stupid as if I was talking to myself but the few words he said made me fall deeper.
There was something about your father that made me want to stick around him to the end. He was probably not the best man when it came to dressing and at times he smelt of armpit juice but I knew I could work on that. He made me want to work hard and better myself daily.
That was why I did not know how to tell him I could not find Rina. It was hard enough for me to understand that my daughter had been kidnapped. What kind of human being steals another person's child? We had been through a lot and our firstborn had brought so much joy. Thankfully your dad did not fault me knowing very well that I had also been drugged. He asked all the questions to the police, put up posters on the roads and even put word out on social media but there was no sign of my girl.
The worst punishment has to be bearing a child and not knowing where they are. At least if they died you would cry and bury your tears with its body. It would be difficult to move on through the pain but there is closure in death. However, when you have no idea of their whereabouts nothing makes sense and you sit waiting for a text, a demand for ransom, a body, anything. Do I blame myself for taking her to the clinic that day? Maybe if I had a car and drove instead of walking my little princess would still be here with me.
Your sister would have taught you a few tips on how to speak up and air your views. I can tell you're going to be a bit boring just like your father. Rina would have helped with that. She would play with you and on some days she was the only one who vould calm you. Your crying would piss her off and she would start shouting at you. The house would get really quiet with your crying and her shouting but now I would give anything to hear her screams. Now the world has cheated our destiny. What if they use her for those devilish rituals? O God! Take care of my baby.

THE CHEATER'S GUIDE TO LOVE

Historically, men are known to pursue women and not the other way around. Men are referred to as the 'hunters' and women 'the hunted'. This inexperience can be a disadvantage at times when you want to talk to someone but all your pick up lines are whack, "Look up in the sky, oh no, you're superfly," or worse, "I want to do riddim things to you." Initiating the relationship, however, is never a big problem. It's so easy to hook up but it's the issues that come with dating that makes love difficult to find.
Enters Yunior. You probably think that Yunior is some guy from Ukambani right? Wrong. There aren't enough books about Ukambani peeps and I'm too broke to buy the ones that are already in the market. This Yunior is Dominican, the main character on 'The Cheater's Guide to Love" and eight other stories in Junot Diaz' book, "This is How You Lose Her".
The book shows how messed up Yunior's love life is. He grew up seeing his older brother and father living in infidelity all their lives and this shapes how he views women. His struggle to find love despite his unfaithfulness which is persistent. In my opinion, it was all his fault. There's no way you can cheat on your girlfriend with fifty different women. Kwani you were looking for Carmen san Diego?
If he did that to my friend I would pay thugs to beat him up. If he did that to me I would cut out Mickey Mouse shapes from all his clothes, pay thugs to beat him up, clone him then beat up his clone as well.
The author does a very good job with this book. He uses Yunior's story to talk about immigration, cancer, poverty; themes that are not very exciting but are brought out well in this story. The language used has a bit of Spanish which is very expressive. One feels as if you are in a Spanish family gathering and everyone is screaming and shouting. At some point when you're deeply engrossed in this book and someone interrupts you, you will look at them angrily and shout the only Spanish word you know, "El Classico!".
By the end of the book you will get the impression that maybe cheaters are not so horrible after all. They are human beings just like you and me. Infact at the very beginning he defends himself by saying, "I'm not a bad guy...I'm like everybody else; weak, full of mistakes, but basically good." You will even sympathize with him, surely he sounds like he could be your brother, classmate or even boyfriend. Losing a brother to cancer, having to grow up without his dad around and basically having a normal life kills the monster idea of Yunior that his infidelity creates.
Unless you are going to write an excellent book like this one, I'd advise you to stay true to one person. If Yunior with sick lines like "the half-life of love is forever" could not get his woman back how about you whose lover has Kilimani Mums on speed dial?

KALUHI'S KITCHEN

My last two reads were Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and John Grisham's The Broker. The coincedence in these books is that they are both about an American who found themselves in Italy and got to sample the food there. One was a divorcee travelling around for spiritual conquest, work and also because she could while the other was an ex-prisoner hiding from certain groups that wanted him dead.
These two writers are very good at vivid description especially when it came to the cuisine part. My mouth watered the whole time and I often took snack breaks. It also got me thinking about my own cooking.
I don't like cooking.
It's not that I can't cook. I know enough to survive. Compared to prison food, I do a pretty good job. It just doesn't excite me at all. However when I read these two books I was sure I wanted to change that. Wanting to eat exciting food meant knowing how exactly to prepare it.
This is where Kaluhi's blog comes in.
I had seen it a few times, tried a few recipes and ogled at most of them but this time I typed kaluhiskitchen.com with envy trying to find out if one day I'll be able to cook just as well. Maybe, I thought she's a catfish and the pics she uses are googled.
There's a joy that comes with cooking food that looks the same as the one pictured on the website. Of course I tried out the easier recipes first but soon I'll escalate to stuff like fritatas. Most of her plans are based on basic ingredients put together to make an excellent meal.
Atleast Kaluhi is a driven writer, someone who contributes to society. Unlike her, the girl who shall not be mentioned is driven by unreasonable factors. As if trolling blue subarus was not enough she is now focused on someone who minds their own business on social media. I couldn't finish that article and to think she was paid to do it. You mean there was an editor who actually approved such an article for a nationwide audience? You Ngara be kidding me!
Anyhu, where was I? Yea...Diana Kaluhi. She was gracious enough to answer some of my questions. Make sure you read and visit her blog later.
FL: Tell me something about yourself.
DK: My name is Diana Kaluhi Adagala. I am the third of five girls. I am a finance major graduate who is crazy about cooking and loves being in the kitchen. I am a girly girl who enjoys good laughs and intelligent conversation. Most importantly, I am a Christian.
FL: When and why did you start food blogging?
DK: I began blogging last year after graduating from university. I had plenty of time on my hands and found myself spending much of it in the kitchen. I would then develop new recipes which my family would love. I wanted to share the same with the rest of the world and found that blogging would be the best platform. I took the plunge and that was the beginning of my journey as a food blogger.
FL: Any handy tips you may have for use in the kitchen?
DK: Try new flavours to add some oomph to your everyday meals. Always make an effort to serve food that has amazing taste and a visual appeal.
FL: What are you reading?
DK: I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice and hoping to get my hands on 'We Need New Names' by Noviolet Bulawayo.
FL: What advise would you give to a large group of people?
DK: Dare to dream and believe that you can achieve beyond what you could ever imagine. Dare to become.
FL: Have you thought of opening a restaurant?
DK: Yes, it is one of my longterm objectives since I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Keep my contacts, I shall invite you!
At this point I wanted to say "Actually, you are officially my friend. Please feel free to use me as your kitchen lab rat. Your home-made meals will be accepted as gifts everynow and then."
Kaluhi is doing a great job of showing how to have fun in the kitchen in an inexpensive way. Her recommendations are to die for!