At the beginning of this year my dad dragged my bro, one of my cousins and I to my grandma's place in Kitale. I'm saying dragged because we didn't want to go. By that time there was no electricity there so that means no charging phones all the time. You can imagine three teenagers on a trip with these new age phones that have battery lives which end faster than me playing a game of Temple Run (I really suck at it!) and no hope of ever charging them. When we reached granny's place, we sat and had some bananas. Dad, taking a big bite off his banana, said "This new year sounds really strange. 2013 doesn't have a nice ring to the ear." Then grandma gave a sermonette on how this is the year of jubilee and how we should expect favour from God and all that.
     After days of looking for a good excuse to go back home, my brother and cousin managed to get on a bus and leave upcountry for the land of civilization. I decided to stay with dad. I figured if I got really bored, I'd have epic fun when I go back home.
       Two months later, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. On December 12th, he passed on. You see he had done some chemotherapy sessions and on September we decided he should go to India since the cancer centre in Kenya isn't well equipped. He was to go with my mum for six weeks then come back. Six weeks from their departure and he had successfully completed whatever treatment he had gone for. We were expecting them home any day from 12th of December.

11th December 2013. My big brother's 26th birthday. The next day would be Kenya's 50th anniversary as a free country so we were hosting a party for friends and family. What my brother didn't know was that it would also be a surprise birthday party for him. So he comes home at around 8pm from work and finds me watching tv, as always. He says that he had called mum but hasn't spoken to dad in like two weeks "Kwani there's something she's not telling me?" I tell him to keep calm, all will be well. He cooks supper and reminds me about the next day's luncheon.

12th December 2013. Paul, my brother, wakes me up early to clean the house. He says Unco Vic is only five minutes away. I wake up complaining why they're coming so early. I wake my other older brother, Jose, who looked like he was having a hangover and he complained about the same thing. Unco Vic arrives with his family and says "I see you've started preparing. Let's have a small meeting about how the day will be." He went on talking about how they were expecting my parents back home any day from that day. "But uuurm... there has been some new development and...he could not make it. He passed on." No one really heard what he said after that. My two brothers started crying.
     It's okay, I thought. I mean it's God perfect plan and He is a good God, father to the fatherless. Well, I wasn't that content for long. My younger sister was staying at my aunt's and when she came back home and heard the news she wailed. I felt really sorry for her.
      I didn't cry until the next morning when I heard a dream that we had gone to pick our parents at the airport. I couldn't see dad and waited for him even when mum and the rest went home. Days later, it dawned on me, he's never coming back. I woke up crying. By this time friends and family had filled the house. Though they comforted me I couldn't stop. I couldn't believe it. It was too painful.

15th December 2013. Most trips to the airport are usually exciting. Wondering what your loved one has brought you from the lands yonder. One time Uncle Vic brought manna from Iraq. LOL!
       However, this trip was different. We picked mum and went to the cargo terminal to pick dad's body to take it to the funeral home. At the home we saw the body. My sister almost broke the casket trying to wake dad up. At some point it became funny how she was strong enough to resist all the people holding her back. I looked at him lying there lifeless and helpless. He looked like he had had a painful death. I felt uneasy. I wanted to faint. Someone held me and I started screaming in pain and shock. I cried all the way home.
      The memorial service went on well. I was able to hold back my tears until I could not anymore. One minute I was smiling and then the next, boom! Tears all over. I just could not believe that the man who brought me to life was no more.

21st December 2013. Burial day. First of all, someone forgot to pack the funeral clothes for my sister and I so we had to go shopping for new ones. We looked nice. The sight of my dad's coffin being lowered into the grave killed me. I tried crying, screaming, calling him out, nothing. He was gone forever.

This has to be the most painful thing I've ever gone through. My dad was my everything. He treated us like kings and queens. He was just so loving and I loved him so much. He gave us confidence, told us no one was better than us and we have everything we need.

I feel sad that cancer took him away. I feel sorry that such a nice man had to die such a painful death. I apologise that cancer is not just a zodiac sign. I am the person I am because of my dad and mum. I wish you had met him. You'd have loved him too.

Now he's gone. I still feel terrible. I don't know how to live without him. This has been the worst experience ever but I thank God that I had incredible friends and family to support me. I won't ask any questions. I won't blame anyone however painful it may be. I just wish that my family and I may heal. His memory is sweet though he wasn't perfect. Godfrey Masinde will forever be missed. Rest in peace dad. I love you.

11 comments : Leave Your Comments

  1. Uncle Goddie will forever be missed ..
    and yes with time we will all heal.

  2. Moving.....Please accept my heartfelt condolences to you and your family

  3. true Julie time will heal us.
    Thank you very much Hilary for your wishes

  4. I've never felt more in touch with your writing than in this piece. I felt every emotion in every word you wrote. We are assured that he found the ultimate healing. May God rest his soul in eternal peace

    1. thanks Bridget. Indeed may he rest in peace

  5. May he rest in peace.
    I know you will survive this and come back stronger than ever.

    1. thanks Josh for your wishes. I shall surely overcome

  6. Losing a dad is painful. But take solace in knowing that he's watching over you. May God rest his soul

  7. Quite a tough new development...but i know you'll get thru it just fine...nd daddy is resting in Gods hands...

  8. Sad.....your dad watches on you from above and smiles. He did his best to lay his foundation of love. His memories with you bring him close. Although too far gone, he is next to you always. Be strong for your mum. Time will not fully heal but the Lord will give you strength and wisdom to bear it all.